In Which I Am Exceptionally Unprepared

Hello. I’m not sure that we’ve met. My name is “Drastically unprepared for a potentially life-altering trip half way around the world.” What an absolute pleasure!

But for real. I’m nowhere close to being ready for this trip.

These past two weeks have been an absolute blur, and that’s probably the understatement of my whole life. I’ve had more commitments this month than I think I’ve ever had ever, and I’m pretty sure I’m losing. my. mind.

In Which I Am Utterly Exposed...

So it looks like Tim and I are taking a trip at the end of this month. To Indonesia. To do mission work.

(Please pick your jaw up off the ground and continue reading.)

PSA: Parents, Please diaper your babies.

It is a well-known fact that when a baby, who is not yet potty trained, roams around the house commando, that baby will inevitably have to go to the bathroom. It simply can’t wait. It won’t wait.

Such was the case at the O’Nan household last night. Upon giving our littlest a bath, I dried her off and let that baby run free, if only to watch her naked bum run in the opposite direction. (Too much information? Sorry ‘bout it. But I get the feeling that other mothers will feel me on this.) As I proceeded to clean up the swamp bathroom, I could hear the typical pre-bedtime mayhem of a domineering big sister oppressing a feisty and vulnerably naked little sister. And then I heard nothing. Suddenly, Tristan was behind me, and she had her hand held out to me. There was clearly something on it that she wanted to show. I think we can all gather where this is going: The kid had crapped and not within the cotton-fibery confines of a cheap but functional Walmart diaper.

“Tim! Tristan just pooped somewhere!” I bellowed out from the bathroom. “Find it!”

In Which I Reduce Carbs And Almost Commit Murder

By my last calculation, it’s been well over a year since I last wrote. Happily, you haven’t missed much. Apart from the typical “making a spectacle of ourselves wherever we go” (legitimately everywhere we go), life in Franklin has progressed rather slowly, much to my absolute dismay. The Super Walmart is still in a heated battle with the Piggly Wiggly for the patronage of the town’s hundreds of thousands of residents, and the Asian buffet is still the most exotic date-night location. We did, however, see the addition of not one but TWO liquor stores and a Dairy Queen. Seriously. What joy is mine! Except for the fact that these two minor developments alone caused a monumental shift in the earth’s gravitational pull, mostly (okay, mainly) due to my minor weight gain, which itself is the direct result of my utter lack of judgment and restraint when it comes to consuming both alcohol and the entire DQ menu…

In Which My Children Run My Life

So, I haven't written for a few days because this week has been so exciting that I hardly had the time to sit, let alone pen enough witty repartee to entertain my readers. In reality, this week was full of the mundane, trivial things that constitute my life. I don't want to brag (yes, I do), but I did loads of cooking, cleaning, and gyming this week, the latter of which is not a real word. The fatty in me enjoyed banana bread, English muffin bread, pumpkin and black bean chili, and some particularly fabulous taco soup, the recipe for which came straight from my brain, scary as that may be.The skinny-kid-wannabe in me went to yoga twice, swimming once, and cross training once, and worked out in the gym at least once every day this week. My awesome level almost caused Franklin itself to spontaneously combust. 

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I don't even know where to begin. My life is obviously so entertaining that going several days without word vomiting leaves me feeling ill. Happily for me, our internet has been restored, and I can now expectorate at my little heart's content. 

As such, I've decided to offer a summary of the most recent highs and lows instead of a daily play-by-play as I am so often inclined to do.