The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I don't even know where to begin. My life is obviously so entertaining that going several days without word vomiting leaves me feeling ill. Happily for me, our internet has been restored, and I can now expectorate at my little heart's content. 

As such, I've decided to offer a summary of the most recent highs and lows instead of a daily play-by-play as I am so often inclined to do.

In case this point was lost, we did actually make it to Franklin in one piece without breaking down, getting a flat, or spontaneously combusting, as I was quite certain that we would, given that I was responsible for transporting all of the household chemicals in the car with me. And my children. Brilliant. I cannot say the same for the movers' van, which did break down. Four miles from our apartment. I would say that this was something totally uncharacteristic for my life, but let's be honest. If you have read any of my other posts, you know that this is par for the course, and I would have probably cried if everything had happened smoothly and easily.

Even so, we got into our apartment in a relatively timely fashion but only after spending another God-forsaken night in the Hampton Inn. We drove by the hotel yesterday and actually considered popping in to say hello and then quickly reconsidered, as I am certain that that particular hotel probably showed a massive loss in revenue last month due entirely to our nearly month-long occupancy. No matter. I'm sure they will rebound in no time... 

Finally getting into our apartment was a joyous experience. Or it would have been had it not been for the hoard of mosquitoes that greeted us upon our arrival. I realize that I am somewhat prone to exaggeration, but in this case, when I say "hoard," I mean it. Upon first entering our garage I noticed more than a few mosquitoes perched on the walls. Um, eww? Surly they won't make it into the house, I thought stupidly. Because mosquitoes are known for their impeccable manners. Let's just say that after having the front door open for a healthy three hours, the mosquitoes literally laid siege to our home. I'm pretty sure that the movers thought I was an escaped mental patient, because I spent the majority of the time that they spent moving our things inside swatting at these flying insects with my flip flop. I lost count of how many I actually killed, but I can say that there are dead mosquito carcases on the walls of every room. I left these to serve as a warning to other insects. Sort of like how Western towns would leave the bodies of criminals hanging in the square. (Actually, this is completely false. I left the dead mosquitoes on the wall because I am too lazy to go room-to-room cleaning them all up. Yeah. It's like that.)

Moving on. Our dryer died the day before we were scheduled to move. Unlucky much? This presented a bit of a problem, namely that we couldn't dry our clothes. 
Timeline time. We started moving on Monday, September 24. We got to Franklin on the 26th, and it is currently October 1. We still do not have a working dryer. You do the math. Needless to say, we began to run out of clean clothes, which is why I was forced to dress my smallest child in a Christmas outfit this past weekend. Don't judge. She was utterly out of clean clothes. We did make a trip to the local Franklin laundromat, which I'm pretty sure was featured in the movie, "Deliverance." (Insert dueling banjo music here.) I'm actually surprised that the banjo kid from that film wasn't sitting outside. It was just that creepy. We will be purchasing a new dryer immediately. 


But the most glorious event of the previous week was hands down getting the utilities switched over into our name. First of all, you must go and do this in person. Fine. I can do this, but it will inevitably mean toting my two children along for the ride. Second, there are three different places one has to visit to obtain water, electric, and sewage services. Okay. Super. We went first to turn over the water. That will be a $75 service fee, please. Okie dokie. That's taken care of. On to the sewage company. That will be a $100 service fee, please. And we only take cash or check. I have neither on hand, so I guess that isn't happening today. On to the electric company. That will be a $245 service fee/deposit, please. All right. Now you're just being f'ing ridiculous. Clearly I don't have a spare $245 on me today, so that's just going to have to wait until Friday, when we get paid. I ended that particular day basically feeling like I had been violated ten ways from Sunday. Well played, Franklin. Well played.

Home, sweet home.

At the end of the day, we are now happily situated in our new home. Most of our things are put away (read: still in boxes in a closet), and I have actually been able to cook a few meals. Assuming we can keep the mosquitoes at bay, life here has a good chance of progressing nicely. And out of the 8,500 people that live here, at least two or three are bound to like us enough to want to actually spend time with us. Surely... 
We shall see.

 J.